"Oh, this has third divorce written all over it," Kermit answers without hesitation and props up his spoon (which seems to have contracted polka dots while stuck in his mouth, hm) in his ice cream, giving him both hands to really lay this out.

"First one she was young, eager to escape home, divorced at 21." Kermie leans forward, as if he's worried about anyone else eavesdropping on his entirely fabricated history. "The second one was supposed to last. They had a family and a future, they went to PTA meetings and to Hawaii once even though it was a dee-zas-ter."

A deep, lamentful sigh. "And then the third... She thought this was her second act, but it was just a rerun. Love has failed our Sarah-Jane."