(no subject)

[princeofcat]

Parents’ girlfriend got me an awful sweater.
What’s the worst present you got?

[Lydia]
Let me come over, let’s figure out where to jump Buggins

Comments

[princeofcat]

Will you please tell Luke I love him?

[Lydia]
It's my gift to you.
But also to me.

[filigreed]

I’ll tell him. But I’m doing it under protest.

[Tybalt]

Never loved a gift more than this one.

And humanity will thank us when Buggins can no longer reproduce.

[princeofcat]

In the spirit of the season and also because no one's ever made my ceiling snow.

[Lydia]
A gift to humanity, too?
We're killing this Christmas.

And also in the spirit. It's a gift to me, too.
I've wanted to deck him from the first second he whispered sweet nothings across our brooms.

[filigreed]

You can help me make his ceiling snow something annoying but non-toxic while you’re here.

[Tybalt]

Santa’s going to have to retire. We’re taking over.

Oh, he’s gonna get it real good. What’s our approach? Blitz or lulling him into a false sense of security?

[princeofcat]

Real snow. Potato chips. Glitter. Endless possibilities.

[Lydia]

Afraid he won't believe anything but blitz. Unless you wanted to try the flirt'n'jump? He won't buy it from me, anymore.

[filigreed]

Powdered sugar. Those flakes that make fake mashed potatoes.

[Tybalt]

Could try. You sure he even swings my way?

It’s that or fake a crisis, but don’t think we can rely on him for kindness to strangers.

[princeofcat]

Shredded coconut. Harvested dandruff.

[Lydia]

I'm not entirely sure.
But he liked me. Once upon a time. And we're not so different, you and I, so if he's even a little inclined, I'm sure it'll work out.
And unfortunately, no, I don't think we can. They weed that out with your parents' first million.

[filigreed]

Fabric softener. Corn starch.

[Tybalt]

Could always use Luke as bait, but I don’t want to buy his silence. We’ll just have to work with what little I’ve got.

Good lord, he deserves to get decked.

[princeofcat]

Oh, you're on to something. Fabric softener'll make his room smell okay, as well. Win/Win.

[Lydia]

Don't underestimate yourself. You've got a whole lot.
And we can deliver.

[filigreed]

Doing a great service.

[Tybalt]

Might have something, but I sure as shit don't have Luke's pecs.

We owe it to the universe.

Lydia/Tyblt

[princeofcat]

To be fair. Who has Luke's pecs.
Have they got better? Are they still beautiful? He didn't eat too much this Christmas?

Lydia/Tyblt

[filigreed]

His arms are somehow larger and he still hasn't killed himself. It's offensive.

Lydia/Tyblt

[princeofcat]

He's beautiful.
He has to be doing something illegal.

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

They made our brothers pretty to mock us.

Lydia/Tybalt

[princeofcat]

Excuse me. I'm every bit as pretty as Mercutio and if we just hit the gym a little more in the new year, I'm sure you'd be able to get the Luke guns. They're your birthright, technically.

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

You can be as pretty as Mercutio, but I'd have to eat Buggins and absorb his body mass if I wanted Luke's guns. Bitch could bench-press me.

Lydia/Tybalt

[princeofcat]

So eat him. I'd like to see that.
I'll say this only once: you're prettier than Luke. Even if you could never bench-press him.

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

I love you best, Sergeant Tybbs.

Let's murder a guy.