(no subject)

[princeofcat]

Parents’ girlfriend got me an awful sweater.
What’s the worst present you got?

[Lydia]
Let me come over, let’s figure out where to jump Buggins

Comments

[maledictorian]

i got p i l e s of B A T T E R I E S

[princeofcat]

The useful size of batteries, or like, DDD?

[filigreed]

Luke made my ceiling snow glitter.

[Tybalt]

Fuck yeah. Best way to send off the decade.

[princeofcat]

Will you please tell Luke I love him?

[Lydia]
It's my gift to you.
But also to me.

[maledictorian]

a v a r i e t y p a c k

[princeofcat]

For all your portable energy needs! That's not worst at all.

[filigreed]

I’ll tell him. But I’m doing it under protest.

[Tybalt]

Never loved a gift more than this one.

And humanity will thank us when Buggins can no longer reproduce.

[princeofcat]

In the spirit of the season and also because no one's ever made my ceiling snow.

[Lydia]
A gift to humanity, too?
We're killing this Christmas.

And also in the spirit. It's a gift to me, too.
I've wanted to deck him from the first second he whispered sweet nothings across our brooms.

[filigreed]

You can help me make his ceiling snow something annoying but non-toxic while you’re here.

[Tybalt]

Santa’s going to have to retire. We’re taking over.

Oh, he’s gonna get it real good. What’s our approach? Blitz or lulling him into a false sense of security?

[princeofcat]

Real snow. Potato chips. Glitter. Endless possibilities.

[Lydia]

Afraid he won't believe anything but blitz. Unless you wanted to try the flirt'n'jump? He won't buy it from me, anymore.

[maledictorian]

one of these days i'll get a CAR battery and i'll be on my w a y

[filigreed]

Powdered sugar. Those flakes that make fake mashed potatoes.

[Tybalt]

Could try. You sure he even swings my way?

It’s that or fake a crisis, but don’t think we can rely on him for kindness to strangers.

[princeofcat]

A car battery is about 1/14 of a Real True Car. Dream big.

[princeofcat]

Shredded coconut. Harvested dandruff.

[Lydia]

I'm not entirely sure.
But he liked me. Once upon a time. And we're not so different, you and I, so if he's even a little inclined, I'm sure it'll work out.
And unfortunately, no, I don't think we can. They weed that out with your parents' first million.

[filigreed]

Fabric softener. Corn starch.

[Tybalt]

Could always use Luke as bait, but I don’t want to buy his silence. We’ll just have to work with what little I’ve got.

Good lord, he deserves to get decked.

[princeofcat]

Oh, you're on to something. Fabric softener'll make his room smell okay, as well. Win/Win.

[Lydia]

Don't underestimate yourself. You've got a whole lot.
And we can deliver.

[filigreed]

Doing a great service.

[Tybalt]

Might have something, but I sure as shit don't have Luke's pecs.

We owe it to the universe.

Lydia/Tyblt

[princeofcat]

To be fair. Who has Luke's pecs.
Have they got better? Are they still beautiful? He didn't eat too much this Christmas?

Lydia/Tyblt

[filigreed]

His arms are somehow larger and he still hasn't killed himself. It's offensive.

[shoulderdevil]

My sister re-gifted my present to her immediately to me. The present itself is great of course, but it's a pretty bad way to do presents, Cybil.

I'm sure your sweater is kind of cute.

Lydia/Tyblt

[princeofcat]

He's beautiful.
He has to be doing something illegal.

[princeofcat]

Cybil! Your own gift?
At least make it a little less obvious than that. What was it?

It has penguins.

[shoulderdevil]

She opened it, said 'awww,' and then said 'Merry Christmas' and handed it right back to me. She thinks she's funny.

A stuffed rabbit I made.

Oh, I bet you look like the sweetest lil tot.

[princeofcat]

Homemade and all? Rude. Sneak it in her bag. Force her to love it.
Maybe I do. Maybe not. None of you will ever know.

[sparkling_gem]

My sister got me a LIPSTICK. It's not even an INTERESTING COLOUR. Sometimes I think she doesn't fluffing know me at ALL.

[sparkling_gem]

I meant TUCKING, of course, not fluffing.

[sparkling_gem]

Have the teachers decided to CENSOR us now? What happened to FREE SPEECH? This is sheet.

[crowhop]

What the shinsplints do you mean I don't see anything wrong here

[princeofcat]

Huh

Yeah what’s so wrong with a little duckling between mature teenagers anyway

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

They made our brothers pretty to mock us.

Lydia/Tybalt

[princeofcat]

Excuse me. I'm every bit as pretty as Mercutio and if we just hit the gym a little more in the new year, I'm sure you'd be able to get the Luke guns. They're your birthright, technically.

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

You can be as pretty as Mercutio, but I'd have to eat Buggins and absorb his body mass if I wanted Luke's guns. Bitch could bench-press me.

[shoulderdevil]

Homemade and all! That's a good idea. [...] I'm going to use the doubling charm a bunch and fill her dorm room with it.

You can't just tell us about it and not wear it.

[suflex]

lol ddd

[suflex]

k what's the sweater like i bet we can make it WORK

[maledictorian]

C R O P T O P xmas sweater is on it's way i n you can count on that

[princeofcat]

Batteries!

Lydia/Tybalt

[princeofcat]

So eat him. I'd like to see that.
I'll say this only once: you're prettier than Luke. Even if you could never bench-press him.

[princeofcat]

She's going to appreciate that, one day.

Yes I can. I'm doing that right now.

[princeofcat]

Three sizes too big, very blue, very penguin.

And I'm not sure how well I'd wear crops.

Lydia/Tybalt

[filigreed]

I love you best, Sergeant Tybbs.

Let's murder a guy.