It's like a bad sitcom. Mary Grace, her blonde hair hidden beneath a sparkly headscarf, oversized and glamorous sunglasses propped up on her head, lounges on a hammock outside, calling out instructions to her valet, Snodgrass.
"Oh, not too much syrup, darling," she calls out, really testing her luck here. "It wouldn't do to have chocolate soup." Mary Grace isn't a Thorntrail, wasn't invited, and hasn't earned a sundae, but she's sure as hell earning whatever's coming to her.
"Oh, please, Miss Gresch," Uriah coos back in a milk-curdlingly bad British(?) accent. "After all these years in your service, I know precisely how you prefer your iced creams!" This is, of course, a lie. Uriah wishes he did know Mary Grace's preferences, because then he could go about transgressing all of them. It's too bad, but he still feels like sweet corn, chocolate syrup and gummy worms is a great start.
"But of course," Uriah agrees with a sneer that indicates, alright, so maybe Mary Grace got one in on him. Still, a small price to pay. He adds wasabi peas for good measure. "Only a small one, though, because I know how much pride you take in finishing the whole thing on your own."
While one might expect Jupiter to produce a volatile monstrous storm of a sundae, what she actually did was create something purely based around aesthetic. The resulting dish, piled high with scoops of rich red velvet and striking black coconut charcoal ice cream, and a variety of cherry red to inky black toppings, is visually pleasing but kind of a flavor disaster.
So, reclined on a rope hammock beside Kermit, she sticks her polkadotted mood spoon into his bowl and helps herself to a bite. "Babe, you see Mr. BeeZee sneak in?"
Kermie's bacon-and-lavender sundae is something of an adventure. It's safe along the perimeter, gets interesting as you get into the moat of bacon bits, and then turns into basically a dare when you get to the wasabi middle.
Kermit shoves a spoonful directly from the middle in his mouth before resting one hand on his heart.
"Be still my heart," he sighs, dreamily. "Those glasses are so adorable they even made Mama Bigfoot melt a little."
Judging by the look on Jupiter's face, the meaty lavender spoonful she gets seems like it might have promise. After a second of head teetering, she decides she's unsure, and goes back to her own bowl.
"Bespectacled Berzelius is the most sensitive edition of Mr. Beez. The one who asks you how your day was after work." She gesticulates with her spoon, suddenly excited. It turns teal. "Kermiest I SAW her sneak a glance at that baby faced immortal. Do you think it was meeeeaningful or just annoyed?"
Kermie sticks his stubbornly brown (2) spoon in Jupiter's bowl, then doubles up with a scoop of lavesabi 'n' pork. He's either going to find the meaning of life or his own demise tonight.
"Sha-Joop-y," he gasps, offense in his tone but certainly not on his face. "Isn't he married?" Kermit leans in closer, sneaking his own glances at the teachers in question. "Would she dare?"
"Oh," Jupiter knocks her head softly against Kermit's. Some of her hair gets in his ice cream. Ew. "I think there's a seventy-five percent chance that she deffo dare, Kermie. What Ms. A wants, Ms. A gets." She punctuates this claim with another scoop of ice cream into the old yapper. "Now, it has come to my attention—" Pause for a brain freeze. Jupiter sticks her thumb against the roof of her mouth while she squints. "That some freshmen think that Ms. Dorkins' divorce might be from Mr. Beez."
If Kermit were wearing pearls, he would be clutching them right about now.
Not because of the hair. He's eaten plenty of Jupiter's hair.
"Do they have evidence?" he hisses, as if either of them needs evidence to continue baselessly speculating. "I don't think I've ever seen them together, we don't know their chemistry." Across the room, Mr. Berzelius tries to stick a (possibly pink?????) spoon in Ms. Altizer's hair. "Because they got a pee-eye-ell-eee of it."
"Somethin' about the way she cries, I think." Jupiter muses, tapping her spoon against her chin. "Eye-Dee-Kay, though. Tristan never much acted like Beez was his dad."
She squints at the two staff chaperones, scrutinizing their uneven levels of enthusiasm, "Someday, someone's gonna ignore me that aggressively."
"He did have a different last name," Kermit points out. "Have we considered the possibility that this isn't our girl Sarah-Jane's first divorce?" He grabs another spoonful of Jupiter's truly unique gustatory experience and plops it in his own bowl. More flavors is exactly what this needs.
"I think we need to investigate what color those spoons are before we go any further."
"Ms. Altizer's has gotta be at least half red, half dark pink, right?" Jupiter slaps the hammock they're reclined in, setting them both to bouncing precariously. A bunch of rainbow sprinkles fall out of her bowl and rain down on the people below them. She whips her head around as though in search of something. "Damn, wish I had binoculars. Or Freya. Freya's always got binoculars."
Unable to immediately track down a spying apparatus, she sits back, again. "How many times you think Sarah-Jane's been divorced?" Jupiter scoops up some wasabi ice cream from Kermit's bowl and pops it into her mouth as though it's nothing. "No man's really good enough for her."
"Oh, this has third divorce written all over it," Kermit answers without hesitation and props up his spoon (which seems to have contracted polka dots while stuck in his mouth, hm) in his ice cream, giving him both hands to really lay this out.
"First one she was young, eager to escape home, divorced at 21." Kermie leans forward, as if he's worried about anyone else eavesdropping on his entirely fabricated history. "The second one was supposed to last. They had a family and a future, they went to PTA meetings and to Hawaii once even though it was a dee-zas-ter."
A deep, lamentful sigh. "And then the third... She thought this was her second act, but it was just a rerun. Love has failed our Sarah-Jane."
THORNTRAIL: OUTSIDE
Miss Gresch & Snodgrass
"Oh, not too much syrup, darling," she calls out, really testing her luck here. "It wouldn't do to have chocolate soup." Mary Grace isn't a Thorntrail, wasn't invited, and hasn't earned a sundae, but she's sure as hell earning whatever's coming to her.
Miss Gresch & Snodgrass
Miss Gresch & Snodgrass
"Of course you know, dear," she says with a simpering smile and a tilt of her head. "Because I always ask you to sample it first."
Miss Gresch & Snodgrass
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
So, reclined on a rope hammock beside Kermit, she sticks her polkadotted mood spoon into his bowl and helps herself to a bite. "Babe, you see Mr. BeeZee sneak in?"
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
Kermit shoves a spoonful directly from the middle in his mouth before resting one hand on his heart.
"Be still my heart," he sighs, dreamily. "Those glasses are so adorable they even made Mama Bigfoot melt a little."
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
"Bespectacled Berzelius is the most sensitive edition of Mr. Beez. The one who asks you how your day was after work." She gesticulates with her spoon, suddenly excited. It turns teal. "Kermiest I SAW her sneak a glance at that baby faced immortal. Do you think it was meeeeaningful or just annoyed?"
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
"Sha-Joop-y," he gasps, offense in his tone but certainly not on his face. "Isn't he married?" Kermit leans in closer, sneaking his own glances at the teachers in question. "Would she dare?"
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
Not because of the hair. He's eaten plenty of Jupiter's hair.
"Do they have evidence?" he hisses, as if either of them needs evidence to continue baselessly speculating. "I don't think I've ever seen them together, we don't know their chemistry." Across the room, Mr. Berzelius tries to stick a (possibly pink?????) spoon in Ms. Altizer's hair. "Because they got a pee-eye-ell-eee of it."
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
She squints at the two staff chaperones, scrutinizing their uneven levels of enthusiasm, "Someday, someone's gonna ignore me that aggressively."
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
"I think we need to investigate what color those spoons are before we go any further."
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
Unable to immediately track down a spying apparatus, she sits back, again. "How many times you think Sarah-Jane's been divorced?" Jupiter scoops up some wasabi ice cream from Kermit's bowl and pops it into her mouth as though it's nothing. "No man's really good enough for her."
GOSS POSS with Kermie & Joop
"First one she was young, eager to escape home, divorced at 21." Kermie leans forward, as if he's worried about anyone else eavesdropping on his entirely fabricated history. "The second one was supposed to last. They had a family and a future, they went to PTA meetings and to Hawaii once even though it was a dee-zas-ter."
A deep, lamentful sigh. "And then the third... She thought this was her second act, but it was just a rerun. Love has failed our Sarah-Jane."