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! owl/gift/misc

THE ROSTERS WERE POSTED AND THEN IMMEDIATELY VANDALIZED...

Well, the rosters for House Quidditch and House Cheer were supposed to be up by 9AM, but Mr. Youngblood doesn't quite get to it until halfway through lunch. That's totally convenient, though, because they're posted outside the cafeteria, and, well, everyone's already there, anyway! It's almost like he planned it this way the whole time! (He didn't.)

The rosters are up for approximately thirty seconds before a squirt in a Deeplurk hoodie slaps an addendum up beneath the Quidditch rosters...

Top Quidditch Players 2020

JUPITER QUIGLEY
BOOTY RATING: 58%
- SHOPPED
- she makes me sweat but the therapist said that's ok

RAMONA GRIMSDITCH
BOOTY RATING: 75%
- RAMONA GRIMSDITCH!! MY BIAS WRECKER!!
- Oh there's six feet in this yard if you know what I'm sayin'
- 💘💖^{💞💞💓💞💞}💖💘

LYDIA DWYER
BOOTY RATING: 41%
- your fave could NEVER!
- ily mom
- sʎǝ ʞǝ ɥʇpu ᴉɟ sʎǝʞǝɥ ʇp uᴉɟ

EDGAR WAXWEILER
BOOTY RATING: 15%
- U R RUINING MY LIFE
- this boy is FIGHTING LIONS with a STEAK and NO ONE'S DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT
- suck my blood please thank you ok

JOSHUA STRAUSS
BOOTY RATING: 62%
- I wishshhshsh
- 😂😂😂😂
- Once the sun turns green, once they find the cure for breathing, we will meet.

WYATT WEBBERLEY
BOOTY RATING: 62%
- You know what they say “shed a tear to see more clear” he woulda made 1st string if he cried
- u glowin 💚💚
- PUNCH ME IN THE FACE

IMOGEN RAINWATER
BOOTY RATING: 67%
- Of COURSE Imogen made the team but that’s still like using a single candle to warm a home.
- haha wanna come over ahahahaha
- IMOGEN I'M CRYING

HYPATIA SONG
BOOTY RATING: 60%
- I would let her ruin my life. Like, dead.
- ǝǝ ɹɟ ɯᴉ ɥʇǝ s ǝǝ ɹɟɯᴉɥʇ ǝs
- I had a dream everything in my bedroom turned into her face so I'm scared of her which isn’t the worst thing I guess???

PAX SWEETAPPLE
BOOTY RATING: 70%
- Q U E E N
- the visuals are good
- i think she RAN me OVER with a BOAT

MERLIN PLETCHER
BOOTY RATING: 91%
- u did great king
- lets get marriededededededededed
- follow me back plz

MAVERICK PLUNKETT
BOOTY RATING: 16%
- Maverick Plunkett has the hands of an angel
- ❌STOP LOOKING AT HIM JESSICA HE’S MINE❌
- Captain Mav is THE CUTEST!!!!!

ANTHONY DE WITT
BOOTY RATING: 70%
- We have no choice but to stan.
- PLZ
- Tony is my bias

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Uses a quick duplication charm to make himself a copy, which he neatly folds and tucks into his bag to study later. "I want to decipher their rating system."

"If only we had a Cheer ranking to compare..." he says with a wistful little sigh. Okay, so maybe he DOES want to see how his booty ranks against his peers. (But only if it ranks within the TOP FIVE or else he DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT.)

Edited 2019-09-10 01:37 (UTC)

"We're neglected and overlooked athletes," says Laszlo, the least athletic cheerleader in school. His booty is surely under 25%.

Fully intends to ask Wyatt to punch her in the face at every opportunity until something funnier comes up.

Looks so deeply confused right now. "What does that even mean?" This might go better if he asked someone other than the paper.

"Arr, it means yer booty needs a boost to be ship shape, matey," Kermit answers, helpfully.

"That's- not-" he turns his backside to the wall so no one else can helpfully assess his assets. Their shift doesn't start for hours, so. Why. Oh, right. Kermit. Eddy makes that incomprehensible 'ehhhh' sound that's supposed to somehow communicate that Kermit is A Lot. Yep, that's what he's got. "Ehhhhhh."

Oliver does some math on his fingers, then scowls at the sheet. "But six feet is two yards."

Presley stares at this idiotic list for a moment, and then scribbles in his notepad: THE WAY IS SHUT. Hm. Sounds like...

Garbage. Presley rips out the page and throws it in a trash can.

She studies this list like it’s her homework, and whenever she can get in the margins of Ramona or Lydia’s notebooks, they’ll find lots of “ily mom” and 💓💗💝💖💘💕
Because she loves them.

Val cranes her neck to try and make sense of some of the more garbled comments. "Is writing in code a new trend or something?"

"Sorry!" Pax yells out to into the sky, though its intended recipient is whoever she probably ran over with a boat. At least her booty rating is still solid, and she appreciates that Tony's matches. The freshmen are definitely freaking weird this year, though.

Quickly scans for her own name, doesn't see it, and calls out too loudly, "You can't quiet, Wyatt!" She jogs off to the dorm and disproves the freshmen's assertion that crying guarantees you a spot on first string.

Spends all day shouting "SHOPPED" in Jupiter's face. Except when he's working, where he's legally required to turn it into "Sharrrrrrrrrrped."

Jup pulls out a sharpie and writes "I WILL FITE U" next to the SHOPPED line, because she is not so different from a freshman, really.

Armani searches for his own booty rating and is disappointed yet relieved they didn't rank the cheerleaders. After a moment of consideration, he adds in an additional 1 in front of Eddy's Booty Rating to make it 115% then gives a cheerful nod of approval.

Eddy dearly wishes he could melt into the floor when he notices this well-intentioned adjustment.

Throughout the day, Armani tries and fails to play it VERY COOL as he waits for Eddy to see his update. He keeps looking at him and smiling like he has a secret, then looking away a split second too slow to not get caught. When Eddy FINALLY sees the update, Armani miraculously materializes near him. "Ohhh, wowww," he says, acting as if this is his first time seeing it and not doing a very convincing job of it. "You've got the highest rating, Eddy!"

He's HELPING.

Seeing his name on the roster isn't a surprise to Merlin but he stares at the sheet for a long moment just the same. Who was even looking at his ass instead of his impressive flying skills at tryouts? Honestly. He's definitely not uncomfortable about this at all.

Armani tries to subtly check out Merlin's booty in the reflection of his locker mirror to see if it's truly worthy of its 91% Booty Rating.

"I don't cry," Wyatt grouses. "But I am glowing."

"The way is shut," Freya breathes, a shiver going down her spine at discovering this secret message. She has no idea what it means, but it sounds thrilling. She quickly jots down "sʎǝ ʞǝ ɥʇpu ᴉɟ sʎǝʞǝɥ ʇp uᴉɟ" and "ǝǝ ɹɟ ɯᴉ ɥʇǝ s ǝǝ ɹɟɯᴉɥʇ ǝs" then turns her paper upside down. She lets out a soft gasp. The plot thickens.

Mav laughs at the comments underneath his name, blows a kiss at the addendum and moves along.

Of course on his own he does try to look over his shoulder and get a good look at his own ass (is sitting on a broom so long flattening it? Does he need to do more lunges? Maybe Merlin has tips)

slang was googled in order to appear as Young and Hip and Happening as possible, we hope it worked

CRYING i was wondering where you guys learned bias and bias wrecker

freshmen are kpop fans, this is CANON

honestly given everyone's ages we prob should have more kpop fans in the cast buuuut i try not to think about that djkfhkj

I've listened to kpop since like 2009. The young people can get off my lawn.

But also, yes, probably.

It made me feel 90% more old and exhausted so
Yes

i dove deeper into twitter than i ever care to

Edited ("bias wrecker my life is in shambles" is probably the funniest email I've ever received) 2019-09-09 19:27 (UTC)

I disassociated and went on a journey after that

Just like old times

children are universally weird and it feels like home

OMG I'M CRYING SOME OF THESE MAKE ME FEEL CALLED OUT 😂😂😂😂😂

Edited (hi i usually filter my tween girl out) 2019-09-09 19:32 (UTC)

hey ps thank u i stole the header code from you

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THE ROSTERS WERE POSTED AND THEN IMMEDIATELY VANDALIZED...

Top Quidditch Players 2020

REACTIONS

Laszlo

Re: Laszlo

Re: Laszlo

Mary Grace

Eddy

Re: Eddy

Re: Eddy

Oliver

Presley

Chanel

Val

Pax

Felicity

Kermie

Jupiter

Armani

Re: Armani

Re: Armani

Merlin

Re: Merlin

Wyatt

Freya

Mav

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