Posted in the cafeteria, written in perfect handwriting.

[chirographic]

I WILL ANONYMOUSLY DESTROY ITEMS FOR YOU

Do you own an item you wish was broken beyond repair, but you don't want to face the consequences of doing it yourself? Are you concerned that breaking said item will result in a curse being laid upon you? If so, there is finally a solution to your problem.

This anonymous destruction service will provide you with the following benefits and security assurances:

• No fingerprints. We will provide the courtesy of wiping them for you.
  
• Remote destruction. No sentient being will be cursed in the aftermath.
  
• No paper trail or witnesses. All transactions will be done without us meeting.
  
• Items must be no bigger than a medium-sized cat.
  
• We are not responsible for items broken that you didn't want to be broken. We assume on good faith that submitted items are unwanted, or maybe just wanted in several smaller pieces.
  
• Leave your item with a dragot taped to it under the tree that looks like it has abs.

Comments

ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[chirographic]

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[empiearr]

A vintage portrait-style statue of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Distressingly, his eyes follow you.

Before she leaves, Echo rubs the tree's abs for good luck.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[chirographic]

Cicero wants to see this destroyed so badly he almost can't accept the dragot. (Almost.)

The machine shatters the portrait of the messiah into 4 fragments, which Cicero buries because he's still afraid of it.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[empiearr]

From a broken shard, his eye rolls to peer directly at Cicero before it's covered with dirt. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Hopefully it doesn't reform in three days.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[chirographic]

Cicero does the sign of the cross and gets the fuck out of there.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[bratsquatch]

Felicity leaves whatever notes she can find from the first semester and offers them up to the ab tree.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[chirographic]

The smashing machine isn't very effective against paper, so Cicero sets this one on fire personally. You're welcome.

Re: ITEMS LEFT UNDER THE ABS TREE

[themurderbird]

Trudy leaves an innocuous glass vial.

To be honest, she just wants to support her son,

IC REACTIONS

[chirographic]

OOC CHATTER

[chirographic]

This is stupid.

All proceeds go to student council.

Re: OOC CHATTER

[teratophilia]

fuck this is so funny

Re: OOC CHATTER

[chirographic]

It's a enchanted hammer attached to a bunch of gears and pulleys and when you push a button the hammer smashes the shit out of things for you.

Re: OOC CHATTER

[gasgiant]

l m f a o

big bless this big mess

Re: OOC CHATTER

[chirographic]

Mess cleanup charge not included in the original fee.

Re: OOC CHATTER

[circuitree]

I can't help but trust a tree that takes good care of its trunk

Re: OOC CHATTER

[chirographic]

That's why it's Cicero's favorite tree.

Re: OOC CHATTER

[bigshoulders]

MEDIUM SIZED CAT IS A CONCERNING RUBRIC

Re: OOC CHATTER

[chirographic]

It's a very precise unit of measurement.

He wanted to make it take items as big as a maine coon but the larger hammer threw off the balance and then literally threw itself across the room.