peckenpaugh | (no subject)

Gumption

it's got more followers than i do wish i had the hustle of a fake baby

How's it even got a damn signal I ain't—

i'm gonna steal its phone and see if it connects to some kinda hidden wifi

Oh I bet those mushroom bitches got a secret—

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Where'd my baby go

did you look up i'm p sure fred and maisy's baby floats

If this baby starts flying it's 100% Tybalt's responsibility unless I can use it for cheer

Aerial toss-the-baby could be a really fun family friendly activity

The trash can just moved

Did our child throw itself away?

Is this a self esteem thing?

As much as I'd prefer a kid who knows they're hot shit they are kinda nice and contained right now

I mean as long as there isn’t anything gross in there it’s kinda like a playpen

There's plenty gross in there but honestly it seems happy

We should name it Trasha. Like Trisha and Tasha got tossed in the trash and then our baby ate them and pooped out a new name.

Aww I like that. It’s practically naming itself.
Trasha Garbo Zettler-O’Malley.

I think we should combine our last names

Zetlalley or O'Mattler

Is the O important? It feels important. O’Zettlalley.

How traumatic is it to always be at the end of the line and will enduring it give Trasha a stronger character

Trasha or at least their constitution is plenty strong already.
But yeah honestly? Super humbling. Teaches patience.

oh i bet tybs wants to learn how to do cheer throws esp when catching a baby

Throw the baby, throw Tybalt, let god and gravity sort it out from there.

followed ✔️

my child's subscriber count is negatively impacting my self esteem

capitalize off of their popularity, get retweeted by them

Find it a brand deal and take the income like a corrupt stage mother.

My nephew/niece is so popular, I’m so proud.

they take after their mom

I have so many more twitter followers

wait until you see their tiktok

i keep hearing the same 15 seconds of rodeo playing over and over i think they're making more videos

where is trudy i need help

m a y b e she's trying to make her OWN tikkytokky to communicate with the W E E B A B in their own language

And how does it know how to write already?

idk but there's a tweek with 56k likes that just says 'goo goo gaa gaa'

Maybe there's actually an active baby community on Twitter.

voice-to-text??

not sure that'd work for ours though.

i mean i think the babies are technically older than all of us?

And still doing nothing but sleeping and crying? They need to get a job stat.

our poor little millennials... i hear it's tough out there.

It's sort of inspiring, really.

Edited (better late than never????) 2020-02-25 03:11 (UTC)

baby spends all its free time on the phone maybe it should get a job

Do you think if I installed one of those survey apps, it would do it?

what if we got it some sponsorship gigs
that'd be teaching it valuable life skills
business acumen and shit

Exactly. It's not traditional child rearing, but it aligns with the times.

You should get it blue light glasses.
The screen can mess with its brain.

Good idea, Lionel!