peckenpaugh | (no subject)

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So my mom mailed me like a bunch of articles. And YOU GUYS, the Blob is REAL and it's on display in a zoo in Paris.

It doesn't have a brain, but it still learns things. Which. Relatable. It self-heals. Which. Less relatable, but still impressive. And it doesn't have a mouth, but it's like REAL into oatmeal, apparently? Which, no accounting for taste. But, again, no brain. So. Forgivable. Also it has like 720 sexes? So it's basically a brainless, mutant, gender fluidity icon.

Also, they've found a horrifying, giant (No really: SUPER BIG!) parasitic wasp in Uganda that lays its murder babies INSIDE other insects so they can burst out of their skin later. But that's a totally different story that nobody really wants to deal with.

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I want to lick the blob and gain its power

All you have to do is chop yourself in half and then one half of you takes a nap while the other half of you studies and when you stick yourself back together ALL of you would know Hermeticism.

Getting STEPPED ON and CHOPPED UP would finally be a b l e s s i n g instead of an i n c o n v e n i e n c e

You'd have to be neon yellow-ish? But not the worst color at ALL.

OH I WAS YELLOW ONCE!!

TOTALLY worth it then. Like. Bonus features include: you're sort of Wolverine, you never have to conform to gender stereotypes because you have SO MANY of them it's kind of impossible (Which gender are you even going to conform to?), no one understands what you even ARE, you don't need a stomach so you'll never have a stomach ache.

Oh you could be a new gender every day for almost two years and by the time you looped back around I bet there'd be twenty more

Do you think it has a static number or that it learns new genders too? Breaks apart, learns a whole new gender identity, and comes back to the fold like 'HEY, REST OF ME! GUESS WHAT I PICKED UP!' And what ARE they?

720 is a X BAD LUCK X number, they can't stop there!

One article said ALMOST 720? If that's any better?

I desperately want to see this blob.

What's the wasp called?

I KNOW. Like, I feel like that's a totally normal field trip, right? Paris?

And it's Johanna.

I mean, one's Epirhyssa quagga. But the other one's Epirhyssa johanna. After some science dude's wife. Which I GUESS can be romantic? If you like murder wasps?

Absolutely. Very educational.

I find it extremely romantic, myself.

Wizards don't even need planes. This is totally reasonable.

I think the chestburster babies are throwing me off of my romance-vibe. Because it IS pretty sweet. Other than that.

I agree. We should make our case to faculty.

Personally, I ~~theoretically~~ like when my partner acknowledges my ability to kill them.

It's time sensitive! Who knows how long the Blob will be on display.

Oh, I'm okay with praying mantis style murder. That's fine. It's the unsuspecting passerby getting hit with demon babies thing that I find unnerving.

Aw, the oatmeal thing humanizes it a little.

I think it's really interesting that something without a brain (or a stomach) has food preferences to begin with.

And what flavor of oatmeal? They didn't mention the flavor in any of the articles.

Sentience: always surprising.

Do you think they're withholding the full menu of oatmeal options from the blob? What about steel cut versus instant?

Do you think it just violently dissolves itself away from things that taste bad?

I hope not. That'd be rude. And not scientific. Addendum: What about the kind with the little dinosaurs?

That's exactly how I respond to cooked cabbage. So, it is very within the realm of possibility.

There's oatmeal with dinosaurs?

Return to the hive(not-a-)mind with better understanding of cursed food items.

There definitely is. They're in little eggs and they hatch when you heat the oatmeal. It was pretty much all my brother ate for six straight months. So, yes. Can confirm.

Yes, exactly. Cedar and Willow regularly make me try things that seem [...] inhospitable to human stomachs so that I can let them know for sure.

[...]

[.......]

Are they real dinosaurs?

Seems a bit unfair. What knowledge of cursed things are they bringing back to the hive(not-a-)mind?

No. They're sugar dinosaurs. Fortunately. Considering the whole consumption thing.

Cedar brings valuable whittling knowledge. We are both trying to decide if Willow needs to be temporarily severed until she produces something valuable. Like a quest.

Meaty oatmeal didn't sound appetizing. Sugar dinosaurs are much more acceptable.

Is the quest to procure reattachment? Or does she need to bring the two you a quest in order to remain attached?

I mean, you COULD put bacon in it. Bacon's breakfast meat.

I was thinking she could bring us a rare artifact and if we deem it sufficiently impressive she gets to rejoin the hive. An ark, maybe. Arks are always impressive.

Not much of a bacon person, myself. I wonder if the Blob is.

Huh. I feel like I need to be putting my siblings through more trials.

Might be weird to eat an animal when nobody's entirely certain if you're an animal or a fungus or something else entirely.

Oh, absolutely. The more you torment, the more they know you're spending your time thinking of them.

Uninhibited by such labels, the Blob is. I can feel it.

I’d have to level them appropriately, though. Can’t send six-year-olds to get an ark.

It is, however, temporarily French.

You'd think I'd be using better adjectives.

Considering.

Your adjectives seem fine to me.

Accurate, sure.

But repetitive. Maybe too on the nose.

Should I be more worried about poetic flow in my journaling, too?

No. You’re fine. Might be a me thing.

they're called parasitoid wasps and most are considered to be beneficial to humans because they naturally control agricultural pests

Oh, I KNOW. They’re beneficial. They’re just ALSO upsetting.

how'd they even figure out the sexes thing

I'm not ENTIRELY sure. Probably gene testing? Or chromosomes? I know that organisms that move less sort of require more potential for reproduction. Since they're not exactly going out and meeting a nice doctor.

huh

[...] Or they just ask them real nicely?

the blob: relatable. the wasp: more relatable.

Yeah, but I don't want to drop my murder children into someone. ~~Not that~~ ~~That's ex~~ ~~Ay bendito, I'm a wasp~~

what do you normally do with your murder children?

Not have them. Hopefully.

what's the point in having children if they don't violently explode from the flesh of another living being, though? i mean, when you come down to it.

I’m going to adopt. Someone else can deal with the flesh explosions. Because. Ew.

~~now that you mention it~~ also a solid plan, assuming you're not secretly a wasp

I'll totally make sure to go to therapy to take care of the whole activation protocol thing. Just in case I'm a member of a wasp sleeper cell.

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